God's chastening
and discipline
get our attention.
They shake us out of
and discipline
get our attention.
They shake us out of
our passivity and stubbornness.
----------------------------------------------------------------
We Reap the Crop We Sow
It is inevitable. We will reap what we sow. Once again we see that what we dish out comes flying back in our faces. Our unforgiveness leads to our own torment, which makes for a very unhappy life for us and those around us.
"Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh shall from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit shall from the Spirit reap eternal life" (Galatians 6:7-8).
Sow mercy and it returns to you multiplied. So judgment and it will be poured into your lap. By our standard of measure it will be measured to us in return. Brrrr! It sends cold chills up and down my spine.
"Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. And do not judge and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned. Give, and it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, they will pour into your lap. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return" (Luke 6:36-38).
Those things we judge in others we turn around and do ourselves. Those things we forgive in others will not rule our lives. The next verse tells us why.
"Therefore you are without excuse, every man of you who passes judgment, for in that you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. And we know that the judgment of God rightly falls upon those who practice such things" (Romans 2:1-2).
-------------------------------------------------------
Those things we judge in others we turn around
and do ourselves.
(Romans 2:1-2)
--------------------------------------------------------
Many times I have criticized someone for doing something foolish and found myself doing the same thing moments later. This phen- omenon can occur when we judge others for serious violations as well.
I know a Bible teacher who frequently spoke harshly and con- temptuously about Christians who fell into sexual sin. Years later, this much admired Bible teacher had an affair with a married person. The affair resulted in two divorces and their relationship ended.
To teach or say that having an affair is sinful is not judgment. In fact, it is appropriate to teach others that such behavior is wrong. To be harsh and severe in our attitudes toward another for their sin, however, is wrong and will only close the door to ministry in that person's life.
God's word teaches that He Himself will condemn those who condemn us—I believe until that one repents.
"'No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper; And every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, And their vindication is from Me' declares the LORD" (Isaiah 54:17 NAS).
In his book, In the Grip of Grace, Max Lucado wrote, “It is our job to hate the sin. But it’s God’s job to deal with the sinner. God has called us to despise evil, but he’s never called us to despise the evildoer.
“Standing next to all the Mussolinis and Hitlers and [Jeffrey] Dahmers of the world” continues Lucado, “we boast, ‘Look, God! Compared to them, I’m not too bad.’
“But that’s the problem. God doesn’t compare us to them. They aren’t the standard. God is. And compared to him . . . ‘There is no one who does anything good’” (Romans 3:12).
We all fall short of the glory of God, and that is the standard (Romans 3:23).
"Do not judge before the right time; wait until the Lord comes" (1 Corinthians 4:5).
What a blessing of the Lord to know that He is our defender, vindicator and Redeemer!
The Unforgiveness We Hold against Another Will Block Answers to our Prayers in the Areas of our Judgment
Once I began to study forgiveness, I began to notice that those I loved and yet judged never changed in their interactions with me in spite of my prayers for them. It was as if the heavens were as brass. This is because my own unforgiveness was blocking the answers to my prayers.
"And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone; so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you Your transgressions" (Mark 11:25).
"If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering" (Matthew 5:23-24).
I've often thought about the stoning of Stephen. As he was being dying, he looked up into heaven and began to plead with the Lord not to lay the sins of his murderers to their account. Paul watched as his martyrdom took place. I wonder if Paul would have become the man of God he was had it not been for the forgiveness of Stephen. In the sovereignty of God, I'm certain he would have, but in the sovereignty of God Paul was present at the stoning of Stephen.
It is not that others cannot change without our forgiveness. They may change, but it will not be because of prayers coming from our unforgiving hearts. It will be because of God's sovereign and merciful will in their lives.
God Calls us to be Ministers of Reconciliation
The real point here is that God wants forgiveness and reconciliation in both directions, and He asks us to take the responsibility for both. When someone offends us, He asks us to go to them and reconcile. When we offend someone, He asks us again to go to them and reconcile.
-----------------------------------------------------
When someone offends us,
He asks us to go to them
and reconcile.
When we offend someone,
He asks us again to go to them
and reconcile.
-----------------------------------------------------------
"Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ, and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not count- ing their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were entreating through us; we beg you, on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God" (2 Corinthians 5:18-20).
Just as Christ does not count our trespasses against us, it is clear that we are not to count the trespasses of others against us. He would not ask us to do the impossible.
"And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you" (Ephesians 4:32).
There is no possibility for God's unconditional love to blossom and bloom in the desert of our souls without the mercy of forgiveness, for even He could not love us without it. And neither can we love unconditionally without it.
Steps out of Bitterness
1. The process of forgiveness begins with a decision. It may take time to grieve and wrestle with God over the decision to forgive the most serious offenses. The decision is usually easier to make when we see what unforgiveness is costing us. Whether done face-to-face or between us and the Lord, please remember that forgiveness has a powerful restorative effect in every circumstance.
--------------------------------------------------------
The decision to forgive
is usually easier to make
when we see
what unforgiveness
is costing us.
----------------------------------------------------------------
We Reap the Crop We Sow
It is inevitable. We will reap what we sow. Once again we see that what we dish out comes flying back in our faces. Our unforgiveness leads to our own torment, which makes for a very unhappy life for us and those around us.
"Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh shall from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit shall from the Spirit reap eternal life" (Galatians 6:7-8).
Sow mercy and it returns to you multiplied. So judgment and it will be poured into your lap. By our standard of measure it will be measured to us in return. Brrrr! It sends cold chills up and down my spine.
"Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. And do not judge and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned. Give, and it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, they will pour into your lap. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return" (Luke 6:36-38).
Those things we judge in others we turn around and do ourselves. Those things we forgive in others will not rule our lives. The next verse tells us why.
"Therefore you are without excuse, every man of you who passes judgment, for in that you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. And we know that the judgment of God rightly falls upon those who practice such things" (Romans 2:1-2).
-------------------------------------------------------
Those things we judge in others we turn around
and do ourselves.
(Romans 2:1-2)
--------------------------------------------------------
Many times I have criticized someone for doing something foolish and found myself doing the same thing moments later. This phen- omenon can occur when we judge others for serious violations as well.
I know a Bible teacher who frequently spoke harshly and con- temptuously about Christians who fell into sexual sin. Years later, this much admired Bible teacher had an affair with a married person. The affair resulted in two divorces and their relationship ended.
To teach or say that having an affair is sinful is not judgment. In fact, it is appropriate to teach others that such behavior is wrong. To be harsh and severe in our attitudes toward another for their sin, however, is wrong and will only close the door to ministry in that person's life.
God's word teaches that He Himself will condemn those who condemn us—I believe until that one repents.
"'No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper; And every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, And their vindication is from Me' declares the LORD" (Isaiah 54:17 NAS).
In his book, In the Grip of Grace, Max Lucado wrote, “It is our job to hate the sin. But it’s God’s job to deal with the sinner. God has called us to despise evil, but he’s never called us to despise the evildoer.
“Standing next to all the Mussolinis and Hitlers and [Jeffrey] Dahmers of the world” continues Lucado, “we boast, ‘Look, God! Compared to them, I’m not too bad.’
“But that’s the problem. God doesn’t compare us to them. They aren’t the standard. God is. And compared to him . . . ‘There is no one who does anything good’” (Romans 3:12).
We all fall short of the glory of God, and that is the standard (Romans 3:23).
"Do not judge before the right time; wait until the Lord comes" (1 Corinthians 4:5).
What a blessing of the Lord to know that He is our defender, vindicator and Redeemer!
The Unforgiveness We Hold against Another Will Block Answers to our Prayers in the Areas of our Judgment
Once I began to study forgiveness, I began to notice that those I loved and yet judged never changed in their interactions with me in spite of my prayers for them. It was as if the heavens were as brass. This is because my own unforgiveness was blocking the answers to my prayers.
"And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone; so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you Your transgressions" (Mark 11:25).
"If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering" (Matthew 5:23-24).
I've often thought about the stoning of Stephen. As he was being dying, he looked up into heaven and began to plead with the Lord not to lay the sins of his murderers to their account. Paul watched as his martyrdom took place. I wonder if Paul would have become the man of God he was had it not been for the forgiveness of Stephen. In the sovereignty of God, I'm certain he would have, but in the sovereignty of God Paul was present at the stoning of Stephen.
It is not that others cannot change without our forgiveness. They may change, but it will not be because of prayers coming from our unforgiving hearts. It will be because of God's sovereign and merciful will in their lives.
God Calls us to be Ministers of Reconciliation
The real point here is that God wants forgiveness and reconciliation in both directions, and He asks us to take the responsibility for both. When someone offends us, He asks us to go to them and reconcile. When we offend someone, He asks us again to go to them and reconcile.
-----------------------------------------------------
When someone offends us,
He asks us to go to them
and reconcile.
When we offend someone,
He asks us again to go to them
and reconcile.
-----------------------------------------------------------
"Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ, and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not count- ing their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were entreating through us; we beg you, on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God" (2 Corinthians 5:18-20).
Just as Christ does not count our trespasses against us, it is clear that we are not to count the trespasses of others against us. He would not ask us to do the impossible.
"And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you" (Ephesians 4:32).
There is no possibility for God's unconditional love to blossom and bloom in the desert of our souls without the mercy of forgiveness, for even He could not love us without it. And neither can we love unconditionally without it.
Steps out of Bitterness
1. The process of forgiveness begins with a decision. It may take time to grieve and wrestle with God over the decision to forgive the most serious offenses. The decision is usually easier to make when we see what unforgiveness is costing us. Whether done face-to-face or between us and the Lord, please remember that forgiveness has a powerful restorative effect in every circumstance.
--------------------------------------------------------
The decision to forgive
is usually easier to make
when we see
what unforgiveness
is costing us.
----------------------------------------------------------
Also remember, forgiveness is not saying what someone did or said was right. Forgiveness is saying, "I'll let God straighten this out".
When we try to "set someone straight" regarding an offense, unless they themselves are humble and open, we build walls and harm the possibility of reconciliation. When God straightens us out, He builds a bridge. His rectification is always for the purpose of redemption and restoration. When you go to someone with an offence, go as a bridge-builder. Go in humility. And remember, it's a process and sometimes takes time, but love never fails! (1 Corinthians 13).
2. Proverbs 14:30 says the heart knows its own bitterness. Pray for the Lord to expose anything hidden. This is not some mystical experience. Bitterness prevents us from walking in all that God has for us. God will not keep the stumbling blocks hidden from us, because He wants us and those around us to walk in all of His blessings.
3. Repent of each judgment/unforgiveness, especially toward parents and other authority figures. Ephesians 6:2-3 says it will not go well all the days of the lives of those who do not honor their parents. Forgiveness is not saying what our parents did was right. Forgive- ness is loosing them from the prison of our unforgiveness into God's healing grace and love. To forgive them is what it means to love and honor them.
-------------------------------------------------------
We build walls.
God builds bridges.
Become like God.
Be a bridge builder.
--------------------------------------------------------
4. Ask God to meet your unmet needs. Know that only He can.
Many of us have a large hole in our souls from unmet needs during critical times of development as a child. The void of love, accept- ance, nurturing, guidance, training and valuing are just a few of the longings that leave us needy people. As adults we are always searching for someone to fill up that vast hole. The problem is it is a bottomless pit. And we are usually asking the same kind of person who hurt us in the past to fill it up.
5. Make a list of those whom you have offended and go to them to ask for their forgiveness. God does miracles in the midst of these humbling times.
One important point needs to be made here. If I have judged someone secretly in my heart and they do not know it, in such cases it is best to complete the forgiveness transaction between myself and the Lord. Think how it would sound to someone to walk up to them when they are completely ignorant of my judgments against and disappointments in them and say, "Please forgive me for judging you for being a jerk." Or "I forgive you for being a jerk." Or some other offensive statement like that. It would cause more problems than it would heal. Use wisdom.
Here are some good rules of thumb. Unless there has been open conflict between you and someone else, just take it to the Lord and deal with it there. When an offense has been committed in public, then restitution needs to be made in public. When it is a private matter, keep it that way.
6. Some personalities bug us more than others. Forgive people for their personality types.
Ever notice how certain personality types bother you? I know because every now and then I run into someone I can tell is bugged by my personality. And I've occasionally run into a personality type that bugs me. In such cases, the problem is often not the other person. It is usually me. They are probably like someone who has hurt me. So we need to forgive those who annoy us and remind us of others who have annoyed us in the past, not for just their sakes but for the Lord's sake and for our sake.
----------------------------------------------------------
We need to forgive and repent of our judgments
and prejudices against the church,
religions, governments, leaders,
races and ethnicities.
---------------------------------------------------------
7. We need to forgive and repent of our judgments and prejudices against religions, governments, leaders, ethnicities, tribes and races.
Just think how many wars in the world are prosecuted in the name of religion! We need to stop playing god in peoples lives, release them to the sovereignty of Almighty God and pray for them. We were all created equally . . . are loved equally . . . and are equally important to God. If there is any doubt about this, pay close attention to this verse.
"And I saw another angel fly in the midst of heaven, having the everlasting gospel to preach unto them that dwell on the earth, and to every nation, and kindred, and tongue, and people, Saying with a loud voice, Fear God, and give glory to him; for the hour of his judgment is come: and worship him that made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and the fountains of waters" (Revelation 14:6-7).
And there is always the most famous verse in the world.
"For God so the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16).
8. Forgive those who die for dying and leaving us.
Little children especially don't understand the death of a parent. They often blame themselves. Forgiving them for dying is a step into healing the pain and loss.
9. Forgive those who are dead for their sins against us.
Yes, we need to forgive people who have died for their sins against us. Why? Because their sins are still impacting our lives.
10. The one we most harshly judge and is also the most difficult to forgive is ourselves. It is important that we not skip ourselves in the forgiveness process.
I have committed many wrongs. I have failed my God, my parents, my children and my friends in so many ways. I know the Lord has forgiven me. They have forgiven me, and I have finally forgiven myself. Even so, when I see how my past sins are still impacting my loved ones, I go to the Lord with my pain and sense of loss. As I pour out my tears in His presence, He heals me a little more of the pain of my own sin.
-------------------------------------------------
Forgiveness is not saying
what someone did to us is right. It is saying,
"I'll let God straighten this out".
-----------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------
11. God is perfect love. He never does anything for which He needs to be forgiven, but many of us blame Him for our problems. This misplaced blame causes us to harbor resentments and out- right anger toward Him. We need to forgive Him and loose Him from our judgments for His sake and for our sake.
12. When someone asks for your forgiveness, don't brush it off, no matter how insignificant it seems to you. Next to saying, "Will you forgive me", saying, "Yes, I forgive you" is the second most difficult thing to say. Graciously and gratefully say, "Yes. Of course I forgive you". You can be sure it is very significant for them. It is also significant for us.
13. Overlooking an offense is not the same as forgiving an offense. Biblical entreaties are to be actively responded to, not passively acknowledged.
14. If someone refuses to forgive you, do not despair. When you have done all you can do to make restitution with a right heart, then you are released and forgiven by God. He will continue to work in the one who refused to forgive you.
15. Watch for "always" and "never" words. For example, "You never remember my birthday!" "You always embarrass me in front of my friends!" They are a sure sign of unforgiveness. It is important to go back to the root of the unforgiveness (parents and authority figures who did the same things to you) and forgive them first and then forgive the present situation.
16. Watch for statements such as "You are just like your ________ (mother or father)". This is another sure sign of unforgiveness. Again, it is important to go back to the root of unforgiveness as suggested in # 15.
16. Let your tears flow. This is a very important part of the healing of unforgiveness.
--------------------------------------------------
When someone
asks for your forgiveness,
don't brush it off,
no matter how insignificant
it may seem to you.
Graciously and gratefully say, "Yes. Of course I forgive you".
You can bet it is very significant to them.
And it is very significant
for you.
--------------------------------------------------
Asking for the Forgiveness of Another
There is a right way and a wrong way to ask for forgiveness. Try saying the following words out loud and see which is the most difficult?
1) I'm sorry.
2) Will you forgive me?
The #1 hardest words in the world to say are, "Will you forgive me?".
It isn't enough to say I'm sorry. Saying "I'm sorry" allows me to remain in control. Asking the offended one for their forgiveness gives them control over the decision, something human beings hate above almost anything.
It is also important to specifically acknowledge our offense when asking for forgiveness.
The most freeing words in the world are, "I was wrong. Will you forgive me?". They are freeing to the one saying them, and they are freeing to the one hearing them.
"Will you forgive me for judging you about the way you dress? I was wrong."
"Will you forgive me for betraying your trust? I was wrong."
"Will you forgive me for lying to you? I was wrong".
"Will you forgive me for cheating you in that business deal last month? I was wrong."
In the case of cheating someone or stealing from someone, an essential piece of forgiveness it to make restitution for their loss.
---------------------------------------------------
The hardest words
in the world to say are,
"Will you forgive me?"
-------------------------------------------------------
"I was wrong. Will you forgive me?" These words humble us. They also heal us and those we have harmed. They empower where it matters . . . in heavenly places. Should the offended one refuse to forgive you, graciously accept the refusal and continue to pray and forgive.
When we go to those we have harmed and sincerely ask for forgiveness and they refuse, we are forgiven by the Lord. We are loosed. It then becomes an issue between God and the one who refused to forgive. The operative word for us who are asking for forgiveness is "sincerely".
Forgiving Others
When someone does not realize or refuses to admit they have done anything wrong, we can forgive them in prayer to the Lord. Neither is it always necessary to confront someone who is unaware they have offended us with the wrong suffered nor tell them directly that we forgive them. If, however, after we pray we are still offended and struggling, then it is best to go to them. When all else fails, don't fail to communicate. And be gracious and kind about it.
It is important to make every attempt to resolve hurts with others whenever it is possible. This is usually done face-to-face.
Can I hold someone in bondage by my unforgiveness? Can someone hold me in bondage with theirs? No. No one walking in forgiveness can be held in bondage to anyone else. If, however, I am walking in unforgiveness, it's as if I'm walking around with a bull's eye on my back. I'm fair game for all outlaws and bounty hunters.
--------------------------------------------------
To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable,
because God has forgiven
the inexcusable in you.
C. S. Lewis
(1898-1963)
---------------------------------------------------
Forgiveness is the key to the prison door, and this lock opens from the inside. Forgiveness opens the prison door for me. At the same time it opens it for the one I forgive. If someone refuses to forgive me, I still have the key to my prison door. When I forgive another for their judgment against me, the prison door swings open and I go free.
Forgiveness is redemptive. As children of God, when we forgive, His redemption flows through us. We are trophies of God's redemption, and we are agents of God's redemption in the world. Spread it around!!!
I see the power of forgiveness in my life. I see it in the lives of hundreds of people every time I teach this vital message. Once we take hold of it and witness the changes it makes in us and those around us, mercy and forgiveness become a passionate desire instead of a wearisome and painful duty.
Jesus took God's wrath for sin upon Himself as He hung on the cross. He shed His blood to pay the price for every sin (Ephesians 1:7). All we have to do is believe and forgive. Even for those who believe, forgiveness is not an easy step to take, nor is it finished when we make the choice to forgive. It has only begun.
Once I understood the price we pay for unforgiveness—my own torment—and the iniquities passed down to my children, grand- children and great-grandchildren—and once I understood the power of forgiveness—the breaking of the patterns of behavior and the strongholds in the family to a thousand generations—I could not wait to get on with it.
Our nation needs to get on with it. Certainly the body of Christ needs to get on with it.
---------------------------------------------
Forgiveness is the key
to the prison door.
---------------------------------------------
Tears Cleanse the Pain of our Heartaches, Disappointments and Broken Dreams
Repentance and godly sorrow are companions. We can't have one without the other.
"For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation; but the sorrow of the world produces death" (2 Corinthians 7:10).
The word "sorrow" in the Greek means heaviness, mourning and grief. This godly heaviness, mourning and grief produces repentance.
Repentance is not a choice, it is a fruit borne out of our griefs and sorrows in the presence of the Lord. Repentance isn't merely sorrow for our sins. Repentance doesn't just indicate a change of mind or a desire to change our mind. Repentance is a turning to God, and we can never turn to God and remain the same.
God transforms our souls in the midst of repentance. This repentance leads to salvation, which means "healing, wholeness and deliverance". The tears that have been begging to brim over all of our lives are the key to our healing. This is exactly what God created tears for—to brim over—to bring healing.
When we have not fought back our tears, we have shed them with shame because we did not understand their place in God's plan. That shame has created more pain and nullified the potential for healing.
Here is an important key. We know forgiveness takes place when we make that decision. Healing of our wounds, pain and disappoint- ment takes place in the brokenness of tears and repentance (turning to God).
Lord, so many offenses, so much unforgiveness, so much judgment. Where do I begin? Help me sort all of this out. Bring to my mind those against whom I am holding judgments, especially parents and other early authority figures. Also quicken to me those I have wounded. Make me a minister of reconciliation in my family, your church, our nation and your world. In Your Name I pray. Amen.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We know we are free
when our pain is gone.
Yes, it will go!
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