Self-pity vs Repentance

This really spoke to me today. I used to have a very bad problem with self-pity and the subject hasn't come up in awhile. I think I was reminded today because its so easy to fall into old habit patterns of thinking. I found this helpful:

A common problem that we deal with is self pity which never leads to transformed behavior or restored relationships.
· It diminishes, in our eyes, the gravity of each sin we commit against love and honor towards others.
· It hinders Godly repentance by feeling that life has not been fair with us and believing that others are the cause of our frustrations. Thus we do not look to God but people to meet our need.
· It places the primary fault upon others for relational conflicts because we feel that we have been treated unfairly.
· If they would not have done that to me… Or, If only they would have done this for me then life would be better and I would not be forced to act in such a way!
· It excuses our negative attitudes by seeing the weaknesses in others and feeling that our rightness justifies our judgmentalism or actions.
· It tries to get others to feel sorry for us and to get them to feel that we have been treated unfairly (defilement) thus strengthening the stronghold of selfpity within.
· It may try to compensate for our relational failures with increased hyperreligious activity, aggressively striving to earn self-worth or acceptance, or we may take on a false sense of responsibility and place all the blame upon ourselves for relational conflicts thus denying others the opportunity to deal
with their own issues.
· It often leads to others feeling manipulated or demeaned by closing our heart to those that will not come into agreement with our self-pity, thus leaving others feeling that they have little value or honor in our presence.
· It may result in hidden anger at our feelings of loss or unmet expectations.
· This increases our blame towards others and results in deeper feelings of anger, insecurity, shame, isolation, self-condemnation, addictive compulsive behavior, and/or depression.
· It leaves us dissatisfied at work, church, and at home and we want to escape to a place where we can find rest.

On the other hand, Godly repentance always involves action. It is not just emotions and tears. It is to be so grieved at the wounding and stress that our actions and attitudes have brought to others that now we are willing to humble ourselves and do whatever it takes to restore healthy relationships.
· It is to be so grieved at the hurt that our actions and attitudes have brought to others that now we are willing to humble ourselves and do whatever it takes to restore healthy relationships.
· It comes to hate the destructive habit patterns that have misrepresented God's love and grace to others.
· It becomes more concerned with others' needs than our own pride and walls of self-protection.
· It is willing to lay down the need to be right in order to see healing in those whom we have hurt or offended.
· It chooses to walk in openness and transparency, and willingly comes forward and acknowledges our sin against love and how we have hurt or offended others.
· It does not seek to make excuses, seek to put the blame on others, or diminish the depth of our self-deception or fear of intimacy with which we have struggled.
· It takes the focus off of ourselves (self-pity) and begins to focus our energy upon humility, confession, forgiveness, repentance, and healing the pain that we have caused others.