Though I am not in the Hebrews Hall of Fame, I am another one who is totally convinced that I could not save myself nor can I keep myself saved. Neither can I conform myself to the image of God, for goodness is not god-likeness, though I could not even claim to be a good person.
After coming to Christ at the age of 35, I set out to serve God, teaching the Bible, giving my testimony, hosting Bible studies in our home, leading many to Christ, tithing my money, doing all I could do to obey God. I worked hard at being a good witness. Then my son became ill with an incurable neurobiological disorder. My mother died, my husband was diagnosed with a terminal neurological disorder and he had to take bankruptcy while he was dying. We lost everything we had. Because my husband was the founding owner of the Dallas Cowboys Football Team, the story of our lives was splashed across the pages of the nation's news media. His bankruptcy reverberated around the world. Every detail of my husband's bankruptcy and illness was made public. It was my dark night of the soul.
I became enraged at God. He let me down. I had done everything I could to please Him and my life was falling apart at the seams. Every day my anger escalated as I shouted my pain out to God. "Get out of my life, God. All you do is hurt people." My heart was flooded with terror. "Just send me to hell NOW God. It can't be any worse there than it is here."
A still small voice whispered from God's mouth to my ear, "Come unto me"In the midst of my insanity, a still small voice whispered from God's mouth to my ear, "Come unto me". "Come unto YOU! I screamed. Why would I want to come unto YOU? All you do is hurt people?" The still small voice persisted, "Come let me love you". I raged back in the face of God, "Let you LOVE me! If this LOVE, I want no part of it. Get out of my life!
Much to my surprise, God did not get out of my life. After several months of ranting at God, one morning I heard the Lord speak in my heart, "Come get in my lap and let me hold you".
Something inside me broke wide open. I began to weep in brokenness and repentance, and I have never been the same. From that day forward the Lord began to reveal the truth of His sovereignty, His grace and His love. My legalism only drove me away from God. It was His love that broke my heart and turned my life around. This prodigal daughter came to grips with the truth of God's providential forgiveness, mercy and grace.
Our sins and iniquities are not merely forgiven and covered. They are not imputed to us at all! Rather they are completely forgotten.
"For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more" (Hebrews 8:12).
This is why the Word of God can say Abraham wavered not in his faith, that David was a man after God's own heart and that Lot was a righteous man. This is also how God could invite a rebellious daughter to climb up in His lap and let Him love her. His great love broke my heart and drew me to His breast. My sins were remembered no more. Thanks to the finished work of the cross in the heavenlies, it is done.
God sees the end from the beginning. Even though it gets messy down here on earth, He patiently works to will and do according to His good pleasure in our lives. Positional reality and manifested reality are two different realms with the same result. Manifested reality is conditioned only upon our willingness to be broken and to depend upon Him. And if we are not yet willing, He will see to it that we are.
What happens on earth in our flesh is "remembered no more." This is truly amazing grace. This is the good news! There is nothing more powerful than this. I can hear that great cloud of witnesses which surrounds us all. They are cheering louder than a crowd at the Super Bowl. They are giving praise, honor and glory to the Lamb of God who made it all possible. Abraham, David and Lot are among them, and they are cheering us on.
Heavenly Father, I am in awe of your humility and boundless love for me. Your grace astounds me. Your mercy abounds to me. How can I ever thank you enough, praise you enough, worship you enough? The answer is I can't. The one thing I can do is surrender to your will for my life, clinging to you as though my life depended upon it, because it does. I surrender, Lord, and cling to you with all my might. Because of your amazing grace, it is not my will but thine, O Lord. In your Name I pray. Amen.
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